I’m Gay, I’m Going to BYU, and I’m Not a Masochist

Whenever I tell someone I’m going to BYU,1 I always get that why-the-hell-are-you-going-there-that’s-a-bad-place look. And I suppose it really doesn’t make any sense unexplained, so here’s my justification.

I’ve more or less always known I was gay, and my parents aren’t idiots, but they are Mormon, and they are hopeful. Yes, they love me, but they also think I’m destroying myself spiritually by being who I am. Needless to say, they’ve always wanted me to go to BYU. And truth be told, BYU, by most standards, is a good school.

BYU tuition for LDS students is $2,500 per semester. In case you’ve been living under a rock in Canada, $2,500 per semester is considered to be hella cheap. My parents promised that if I got accepted to BYU, they could cover everything, and I could go to college for free. At first I thought, that’s a pretty generous offer, but then I was like, how many years has it been since BYU stopped using electroshock on gays to ‘cure’ them?

I’m not really looking to be “cured,” and I have a general policy of keeping sources of high voltage away from my genitals.2

Meanwhile, my dad, sensing my growing sexual tension—I hadn’t formally come out to him yet—sweetened the proverbial Mormon pot.4 My dad told me that if I got a scholarship to BYU, he would pay for all my expenses at college, and he would give me half of the scholarship amount in cash. This is how desperate my parents were for me to go to BYU; they were literally willing to pay me5 to go.

Admission decisions rolled around, and I ended up alone on the dance floor with BYU. They offered me a half tuition scholarship. All I had to do was navigate the sea homophobia that is BYU.6

In retrospect, I should’ve applied to more schools. There were definitely other places I could’ve gone for free, and I probably gave my parents too much weight in the application process.

But hey, five years ago you could have been expelled from BYU just for coming out of the closet. Now you can only get expelled if you do anything besides coming out of the closet. No sex, kissing, dating, hand-holding, hugging, or meaningful looks for the next four years…

Anyway, comment, shoot me an email, send me a carrier pigeon, or brush up on your telepathy, because I need some external human contact. I can answer all your deep burning Mormon questions, or send you a killer recipe for Nutella toffee.

#LookingForwardToCelibacy
#NotReally

1 BYU is an LDS (or Mormon) college in Utah, rated 5th most homophobic in the world.
2 I’m not judging if you do like voltage on you genitals, we all have our kinks.
4 Lol, Mormons can’t do pot; Mormons can’t do anything.
5 So yes, I am a collegiate prostitute.
6 And electroshock therapy.

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27 thoughts on “I’m Gay, I’m Going to BYU, and I’m Not a Masochist

  1. This is a title that grabs the reader and pulls her/him into it! How can he/she resist? Thanks for following my blog. I’ll try to keep it interesting.

    When I went to college at U. of Wyoming it was not permitted to show a PDA (public display of affection) even heterosexually!

    Maybe you can “cure” them!!!!–Judy

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I loved this post. Honest and humorous. Just the way I like them! I look forward to following your college journey. Speaking as the mom of one kid in private high school, one in college and one in law school, I say enjoy that free education! The real world is waiting for you and it’s expensive!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your support and understanding. I often think I shouldn’t let finances force me into a homophobic school, but free undergrad is a pretty big deal for me. I really appreciate your perspective.

      Like

  3. Just read your post to my husband. He sends you his best, he grew up in Salt Lake City as the token Gentile (re: Methodist) in the SLC school system (he’s also an Eagle Scout!). We also have a gay son in a committed relationship (and we adore his boyfriend — can’t wait til they get married!) and can relate to your circumstances. We have a daughter who joined the LDS church (more shocking to us than our son coming out!). We are both retired from higher education (my husband taught criminal justice — I worked in the grants office). Higher ed should be the place where you find the most acceptance being gay — but at BYU that might be more of a challenge than at other schools. We wish you all the best on your education and hope you successfully navigate being gay at BYU! All the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great post. I’m older than dirt so possibly some of this doesn’t relate. I remember growing up in southern Idaho and I suspect you know that there are more Mormons per capita than there are in Utah.

    I went to Idaho State University and I remember going to the college at Riggs with the student Association.

    It was supposed to be a “dance”. None of the kids frim Riggs were allowed to dance. So we all ended up standing around the outside of the broom sort of looking at each other and drinking water.

    On the way back to Pocatello Idaho the student Association stopped at a bar for food drink and dance.

    It sounds like things haven’t changed much.

    Just remember it’s only four years. Unless of course they send you on a mission. Then you could be a gay BYU boy missionary. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Interesting read, lots of humour too. Coming from a background that abhors same-sex relationships (I do not support them either), I can understand how your parents feel about your orientation. Maybe they believe the time at BYU will change you. But who knows really? Wish you the best at college.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Seriously, I’m so pleased you are following me. Your blog is so truthful. I applaud you! Hope University will be treating you right. BYU you have a gem amongst you

    Liked by 1 person

  7. For free college, I’d take the electroshock. Just saying. Then again, after two Masters, I have a different view on cost vs value of post-secondary education.

    It’s only four years of your life. I spent nearly that long in Afghanistan. Take the free ride.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hmmm….Thank you for following my blog. I’m not going to lie, out of few fellow bloggers that have followed me so far(I don’t think any of them, including you have read the complete stories that are linked on my blog), you’re the only one I’ve followed in return. You’re posts are clever but I find you to be more interesting. I live in a community with a lot of Mormons and been associated with a few. At least two Mormon dads have told me that if they had a gay son they would disown them, one that said he would beat the gay out of him.

    You’re going to BYU but do you consider yourself LDS? I was raised a Methodist but stopped considering myself one when I was 12. It does seem like going to BYU is almost endorsing a belief system that openly condemns your sexuality. Although I admit, I’d have a tough time passing up a free college education.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m mostly into beauty, fashion and health but after reading your last post, you grabbed my attention in no time. To the point and humorous-I loved it and I think I love you!

    Awesome post!

    Like

  10. HAHAHA you’re really very extraordinarily interesting! I’m so happy to have connected with you. Thanks for reaching out first for a firm handshake!! I’d be delighted to view your ever-interesting articles / stories / life experiences on my feed(?)! Stay awesome, gay, confident & be yourself always!

    HUGS! 🙂

    Like

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