Buttered Cats and Homophobic Mormons

Buttered toast always lands buttered side down; cats always land on their feet. What would happen if you attached a buttered piece of toast to the back of a cat and tossed it over the side of a tall building?1 Does the cat land on its feet, or does the toast land buttered side down?

Artistic Rendering of the Buttered Cat Scenario

Artistic Rendering of the Buttered Cat Scenario

This is a case of the Buttered Cat paradox; two equally applicable yet logically incompatible laws are put at odds. The same is true when a Mormon is confronted with an openly gay person.

Law #1: Mormons are excruciatingly nice to everyone.

Law #2: Mormons shun sin, including but not limited to murder, drugs, alcohol, coffee, the word butt, the internet, and homosexuality.

Mormons, by universal law, have to be kind to people, yet they’re not allowed to associate with sin.2 What happens, then, when a person is the sin?3 I’m learning more and more about this,4 but by and large I see my LDS friends and family simply not address it. There may be some “hate the sin, not the sinner” and a little double-think,5 and then of course my favorite, “pray the gay away,” but the overwhelming reaction is nothing.

The church itself has an official standing on same sex attraction, but most everyday Mormons just don’t want to address the topic. I’ve gotten a “that’s gross” from one of my Mormon friends, and a couple people have asked “when did you decide to be gay?” but mostly they say nothing.

People are going to disagree on things, but there’s a difference between having an open discussion, and resolving to avoid an entire demographic of people. Gay people are not going to disappear, it’s not a phase, and the age of ignorance is coming to an end, so at some point every homophobic person of every denomination is going to have to talk about it.

1The world is rid of a disgusting beast.
2Obviously this is a major generalization used for emphasis. I’m not trying to say that all Mormons are identical or can be fit into tidy little demographics. I, after a fashion, would consider myself Mormon, and I’m just writing from personal experience.
3 For example, say, me.
4 Anecdotes to follow.
5 George Orwell 1984


25 thoughts on “Buttered Cats and Homophobic Mormons

  1. Q: What would happen if you attached a buttered piece of toast to the back of a cat and tossed it over the side of a tall building?
    A: The world is rid of a disgusting beast.

    HAHAHA! You can come and gay up my blog anytime. I should warn you, though: I’m an atheist. I don’t really write it about it much, but I kinda felt like I should tell you? Like, full-disclosure or something.

    Anyway. I have decided you are awesome. So there. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

      • w00t! Good to have you, W.

        No, wait. I can’t call you “W”. The last guy they called that I didn’t like half so well as you.

        I can’t call you “Cat Man”. That’s just rude considering your attitude towards felines.

        Tell you what: I’m gonna let you pick your own nickname. And you should feel totally honored, because I never let anyone pick their own nickname.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha great descriptions here and a very unique perspective. As a lifelong godless heathen, I’ve had quite a few friends from both the Mormon and Muslim faiths–I know that both religions disagree with a lot of what I do and believe in larger sense but we’ve always gotten along on a person to person level. This makes me happy, because I feel like it shows that religion can and will inevitably lose some of its rigidity when faced directly with what is deemed taboo (…eh, or at least sometimes, when horrific violence & outright hate aren’t the go-to responses.) I feel like it works the same way with homophobia–it’s hard to hate gays when you meet someone who is and they also happen to be a good person.
    Anyway, long rant, thanks for reading my post and glad you did because it brought me to your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I only push cats off the counter, off the bed, off the furniture, no butter and bread attached, we eat the olivio crap and why waste good bread on my vegetarian non mouse catching cat? Fun blog, thanks for finding me;)

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I have found that some folks also just don’t know what to say. Ignorance can appear to be homophobia when in fact it is just ignorance. I have been too quick to judge others as I am loudly complaining about being judged…something with which I continue to struggle. I like your enthusiasm and your perseverance! Keep writing! Thanks for stopping by mastmusings.com and liking my blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. How come cats get the worst of things?? 😉 Just kidding. love your blog and thoughts although, you are 18??? Wish I had that wisdom at that age!!! I look so forward to reading your journey!! All the best and a big hug from a cat…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Great post! I’m not very familiar with Mormons, but have seen many other Christian denominations begin to open up to the gay community. It is a slow movement, and I wish you the best along your journey. I am a Christian from the United Church of Canada, and have a liberal way of thinking on such matters. I look forward to reading your blog, and wanted to thank you for visiting mine as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Love this post, Cat Man! The humor is wonderful. It does seem strange to ignore an entire demographic of people – but as you yourself point out, that’s not going to make them disappear.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Love your comparison of the paradox’s 🙂 It seems that most established religions have a problem with love, they preach that God is love and love is universal but condemn gays. Illogical bigotry. Keep up the fab intelligent writing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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