Let’s accept it, our chubby little human fingers were not evolutionarily engineered to tap out epic works of literature on our phones. That being said, autocorrect1 is a gift that gets us closer to passable English. Autocorrect gets heralded as the savior of humanity2 as it allows us all to pretend that we’re a bit smarter than we actually are.
After that endorsement, my social experiment seems rather stupid. I plan on3 doing away with my phone’s autocorrect function. Time frame: Indefinite.
Why am I doing this? Mostly to pick up chicks.4 Beyond that, Neil Postman’s Technopoly has scared me into thinking I won’t be able to live without this artificial construct of the modern cellular telephone, and I just can’t stand for that.
In preparation I downloaded a dictionary app, listened to Weird Al’s “Word Crimes” seventeen times,5 and attempted to have a seance with the spirit of Noah Webster.6 I’ve asked some of my most textually active friends7 to monitor my spelling and grammar, so we’ll see how things go.
DISCLAIMER: If this seems petty and first-world centric, that’s because it is. Then again, that’s kind of the point.
1Or autocowreck, as is often the case.
2Or at least humanity’s ego.
3Actually it’s been 2 whole days and I’m going strong.
4Why does anyone engage in social experiments?
6Dictionary guy. He didn’t show. Why am I not surprised?
7Good friends don’t question your textual orientation, even when you’re wrestling with your textuality. Just beware of TexTDs