My Mom is Trying to Fire Me

/ YesPress

My mom left me an eviction notice.

When the last couple children leave home and ENS1 sets in, it seems parents try to make the moments last and end up showing their most caring side. My parents have five kids, and I’m the second to go, so they’re exhibiting no such behaviors.

It’s not like they’re trying to kick me out, though I woke up to this sign taped on my bathroom mirror, and it made me think they may be “letting me go.” It reads:

NOTICE
TO ALL BATHROOM PATRONS
(people who shower, bathe, or go potty here)
Due to necessary downsizing, there will no longer be a dirty laundry hamper in this bathroom.
—content left out for brevity—
Sincerely,
The Management

Lessons learned:

  • There is no longer a hamper in the kids bathroom
  • I am leaving for college
  • My family is calling this “downsizing”
  • Mom is now going by the name “The Management”

I told her I was going to boycott by holding it2 indefinitely, and she told me that adult diapers were on sale at Walmart.4 We have this unspoken agreement: I laugh at her stupid jokes and she laughs at mine.

1Empty Nest Syndrome: characterized by over-protection, excessive love, substantial sappiness, and bribery.
2Euphemism for “not peeing” and “not pooping” all second graders laugh now. 3
3Who am I kidding, the word poop is hilarious.
4I checked, they weren’t.

26 thoughts on “My Mom is Trying to Fire Me”

  3. Hilarious well-written post! Best of luck in your studies at BYU and in all of life.

    Very much appreciate your following my “Randa Lane…” haiku blog and in your “likes’ of several of my haiku lately! 🙂

    Ron

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  11. I have to admit that I’m in your parents’ camp — having a 20-year-old who has most of his body out of my apartment, yet is hanging onto the door stoop with one Sperry hooked like an eagle’s talon.

    Bathrooms must be a universal war zone. All adults want is for the neophyte humans to pick up a few things, put a few things away, and swish the bowl with Clorox toilet bowl cleansers once-in-a-while.

    Believe me when I say the ENS is something ALL parents hope to achieve. We had you, we raised you, now vamoose!

    Sorry for the rage. Just think a different perspective is always beneficial — as is catharsis.

    Thanks for visiting my online writing website, and for opting to follow my work.
    Cheers!
    SM

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    • As the oldest of four kids who use that bathroom I can say amen to that. And I totally see what you mean about ENS; childhood was great, It’s sad to leave mom and dad, but it’s definitely time. Thanks for reading!

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  16. Love that sign! We’ve never had a clothes hamper in the bathroom but my eleven-year-old hasn’t figured it out yet. He keeps leaving his underwear on the bathroom floor. I’m bagging them up. Eventually, he’s bound to realize he has no more underwear and he will either have to buy some or find out what he has to do to earn them back 🙂

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  18. G’day there,
    Hahaha love it, tell me does your Mum have a blog, I think I’d like to read it if she has.
    by the way, thank you for your visit and like on my page, very much appreciated.

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