When the last couple children leave home and ENS1 sets in, it seems parents try to make the moments last and end up showing their most caring side. My parents have five kids, and I’m the second to go, so they’re exhibiting no such behaviors.
It’s not like they’re trying to kick me out, though I woke up to this sign taped on my bathroom mirror, and it made me think they may be “letting me go.” It reads:
TO ALL BATHROOM PATRONS
(people who shower, bathe, or go potty here)
Due to necessary downsizing, there will no longer be a dirty laundry hamper in this bathroom.
—content left out for brevity—
- There is no longer a hamper in the kids bathroom
- I am leaving for college
- My family is calling this “downsizing”
- Mom is now going by the name “The Management”
I told her I was going to boycott by holding it2 indefinitely, and she told me that adult diapers were on sale at Walmart.4 We have this unspoken agreement: I laugh at her stupid jokes and she laughs at mine.
1Empty Nest Syndrome: characterized by over-protection, excessive love, substantial sappiness, and bribery.
2Euphemism for “not peeing” and “not pooping” all second graders laugh now. 3
3Who am I kidding, the word poop is hilarious.
4I checked, they weren’t.